How to Be a Lady: Advice to My Two Year Old Daughter

Ladies like getting dressed and do not scream about getting clean.

Ladies never drink, dip things in or otherwise touch the toilet water. Ladies like to live, preferably without incurable diseases. The only type of toilet water you should get near is mommy’s perfume and even then, it’s wise to leave it alone.

Ladies do not throw their food on the floor, because true ladies realize that one day they will be the ones down on their (old) knees, scrubbing food off the floor.

Ladies are obsessed with shoes. Continue your quest to find the perfect shoes to go with each outfit, but remember to put them away, otherwise I’m going to force you to wear tennis shoes with your dresses, an idea that already fills you with distain.

Ladies never use their hair as a napkin, no matter how desperate they get.

Ladies do not lift their skirts over their heads.

Most ladies don’t fight with light sabers. Unfortunately, with three older brothers, this is a skill you are going to have to master. Kick-ass girls can be ladies too. And remember, there is no try. Only do.

You have already mastered the lady-like method of getting what you want. Keep it up. Please and thank you plus big eyes equals big rewards.